novelzi 113 - Cozy Cottage
113 - Cozy Cottage
Vraxious—Forsaken Lands
Vrax crept forward, his allies trotting a respectful distance behind him, as they reached the edge of this particular microcosm of flora and the tree line abruptly ended. Sure enough, just like his friends said, in an idyllic field ahead of him, a lone cottage sat with just the slightest trickle of smoke rising from its chimney.
Well fuck...we can swing around it, but unless I want to circle back for way too long, we have to go through this clearing. There is absolutely no way, zero, zilch. That that is actually just some wonderful little patch of heaven amidst the hungry plethora of awful around here.
Either it's some kind of ungodly high-level mimic. A very powerful enchantment from an ancient Elysian artifact meant to hide something and still working a thousand years later. Or it's actually a cottage, and whoever the fuck built it there is strong enough to keep it safe and pristine. I actually don’t know which of those options is worse.
Duchess cooed over his shoulder, curiously looking at the home. “Oh, is that dinner I smell, Father?” She whispered in the voice of a little girl.
“Stop it; don’t get us killed, damn it.” Vrax admonished
Vrax squinted harder at the cottage while he led the others wide of it. Something about it felt like eels slithering around his mental defenses. It had a beautiful, almost too perfect garden in the front with neat rows of apple trees. There was an honest-to-Gods picnic table by the front door with a pink tablecloth and a basket of fruit. The pleasant smell of baking apple pie wafted on the wind.
Seriously, what the hell?
Vrax kept inspecting it as they went around. The woodwork was log cabin style, crafted from that same silvery wood they had just passed but polished to a sheen and with an eye-catching yellow paint on the front. He almost jumped out of his own skin when the front door suddenly cracked open and then swung wide at a leisurely pace.
“Okay, no seriously, what?” Vrax had stopped to stare.
A tiny older woman in a white billowy dress with pink flowers picked her way down the two stairs into her yard, careful to use her cane with each step. Her frizzy hair even had a bright yellow daisy neatly stuffed in like a hairpin.
“That is not right. Get ready to run, guys,” Vrax said and urged everyone to speed up.
Vrax made it a few more strides before Lux suddenly started clawing his way out of the damned menagerie. His intense little eyes peeked out of Vrax’s armor, and he creaked up at him, “Hungry!”
“Not the time!” Vrax shout-whispered back and tried to put the little monster back into his armor.
They struggled like that for a moment before Lux summoned a tendril of vines from the ground that wrapped around his neck, pulling him one way while Lux threw himself from the armor in the other direction. Vrax fell off Malice with a thud as Lux tottered to his feet and started awkwardly rushing straight for the cottage.
Jonathan sighed and ran forward to grab the rebellious Spriggan. “Come here, you little problem. Uncle Jonathan thinks it’s nap time!”
He let out a surprised yelp as he stepped into a patch of roses that grew up on him with impressive speed. “Oh, what the fuck?” he cursed quietly, tearing the thorny flowers off of himself.
Lux’s magical mayhem didn’t buy him long, but it was enough that he tottered close enough to the cottage that the sweet grandmotherly lady looked up and straight at them. Her face twisted into a smile. Strangely visible even from far away.
Oh, come on!
Vrax climbed back onto Malice and thundered forward, the others in tow, to snatch up his little problem. Even Duchess charged forwards. They caught up to Lux, and Vrax roughly grabbed him, throwing him into Malice’s claws, hoping Malice would stare the feisty Spriggan into submission. He went to turn when the little grandmother called out to them.
“Why hello there, Dearies! Don’t just run off! Aren’t you my new neighbor over in the city?” The voice whispered unnaturally across the distance, sounding like she spoke from right beside him.
Ahhh fuck... So probably not an illusion, and I really hope not a mimic...
“Yeah...that’s me.” Vrax shouted lamely, not sure how to play this.
“Oh, come grab a bite to eat; don’t be rude now! If I meant you harm, running off wouldn’t do much.” Again the voice whispered to them, and suddenly a section of the ground nearby bent the insects and flowers in its immediate vicinity, overflowing with a snotty yellow mold, and the kindly grandmother simply stepped into the space somehow. One moment she was fifty strides away; the next she thwapped her cane against the thresher fondly.
“See! Come, come, let’s be neighborly!” She said cheerfully and started slowly hobbling back to her cottage.
Vrax immediately tried to identify her with a predator's gaze. [Not for eyes such as thine].
Well, that’s new... We might be screwed.
She looked back with an almost sorry expression on her face. “Oh, don’t mind that, deary; let me dial that illusion back a bit and give you at least a peek.” She winked and started ambling back again.
Vrax breathed out slowly and started following her. Predator's gaze did give a better answer this time, but it was almost worse. [Grandma Chitters Tier-2] (Lvl80)[No peeking] [Threat: You really shouldn’t deary]
Vrax slowly looked back to his friends and spoke in a tone that he hoped got across how serious he was: “Everyone, be really, really fucking nice to Grandma Chitters, please. She’s, uhh, rather strong...”
Torvald nodded in understanding. Still making sure his weapon was in an easy grip but lowering it.
The walk to the cottage was in uncomfortable silence other than Grandma, who was humming a slightly haunting tune to herself. Edward just couldn’t help himself and started humming along, obviously recognizing it. Vrax shot him a withering glance that he didn’t even notice.
Up close the cottage was even cozier than it looked from a distance. A few game birds hung from a small clothesline on the porch. And a large oaken barrel with no top was stuffed full of fruit.
Duchess trilled in excitement and rushed onto the porch to look into the fruit bucket.
What? What the hell am I missing? Is this entire damned place just illusory?
Vrax focused on the fruit that duchess was poking at so hard he thought his damn eyes might pop. There was a slimy feeling pressing over his mind as he focused on a single apple, trying to discern the truth.
Stolen novel; please report.
A painful stab shot into his brain at the same time that the illusion wavered for just a moment. Suddenly there was no fruit; the apple was a singular human skull flayed of skin but with the meat left on. Around it were limbs stacked and layered like firewood.
Vrax’s eyes widened, and he kept powering through the illusion. Duchess rooted around in the large barrel of flesh, pulling out a neatly dismembered leg with a happy sound, and started gnawing on it.
Vrax blinked, and the illusion took over again. Duchess was flopped on the porch happily snacking on an impressively large loaf of bread.
Grandma Chitter hobbled up to Duchess and gave her a fond scratch under the chin while she snacked. Vrax was waiting for duchess to get them all killed by trying to eat Grandma, but almost more concerningly, she froze up as the wizened hands ran across her scales.
“Well aren’t you just the cutest little Dreadfeast! Looks like your papa keeps you nice and fed. He even made a few improvements.” She ran a finger along the eldritch scrawlings on Duchess’s side, and they shimmered slightly as they resonated with her presence.
“She’s going to eat us, isn’t she?” Jonathan whispered almost imperceptibly. Vrax nodded noncommittally.
Fucking probably Jonathan!
“Oh, where are my manners? Sit, sit!” She gestured at the table. Vrax stared at it hard, but he didn’t get the sensation of eels against his mind, so he figured at least the fucking table was probably real.
She ambled inside and back out a few times with a couple of small plates and then a still-steaming pie. “Dig in, dearies; I just made it!” She met Vrax’s gaze and addressed him directly. “Don’t worry, this one is actually apples. I noticed you peeking! Impressive for how low-level you are.
“Ahh yeah...so ma’am, how can we help you? I really do need to be getting back home...”
“Oh pish posh! On those fun mounts of yours you will be there by nightfall; let’s get to know each other for just a moment.” She reached into the barrel and plucked out an apple to munch on happily.
Vrax nervously took a seat along with the others. Everyone stared at the slices of pie on the plates in front of them distrustfully. Except for Jonathan, he shrugged and took a big bite before grunting appreciatively. They sat like that for a few minutes, Chitters, Duchess, and Jonathan having a snack.
Lux finally shook itself free of malice’s claws and rushed onto the porch past everyone and right up to the game birds. He ineffectively tried to jump up and reach it. Grandma Chitters smiled fondly at his antics. Lux turned towards her and pointed at the hanging bird poutily.
“Aww, you’re a growing boy! Mr. Paladin, do you mind?”
Vrax shrugged. “Go for it? I’m guessing that’s not really a bird?”
Chitters smiled and got up from the table, ambling over to the hanging ducks. As she unclipped it from the line, its form shifted in her hands; the illusion faded to show a pixie with its throat slit and wings plucked free. Lux bounced in excitement as she handed it to him. Lux scampered back over to the table and sat next to Vrax, gnawing happily on the fae snack.
Torvald chuckled. “Man...that little guy is going to extinct the fae around here if he gets the chance.”
Grandma Chitters laughed genuinely; it was a wet, too-deep laugh that didn’t match her appearance. “Oh gods, he’s welcome to try; depths know I’ve been trying for a while now. Unfortunately, those little tricksters aren’t so easy to be rid of.”
She dabbed her mouth with a bright red cloth napkin to get the last vestiges of apple off of her lips. “So neighbor, I had a quick request while I have you here.”
Ahh, here we go...
“I know you are having a bit of a spat with those louts from the church! Well, it’s spilled over into my yard a couple times already...” Her tone was almost wistful.
“Well, I’m terribly sorry about that... It wasn’t my intent...to...bother...” Vrax trailed off; some of her illusions had slipped, and her eyes had become ravenous, bloodshot things with a glimmering red pupil in one eye and a diseased-looking cat’s-eye pupil in the other.
Her voice deepened another octave, taking on just the slightest gurgle as she couldn’t hide her excitement. “Oh, no, no, no, no, you misunderstand me, young man. I want in. I know Malaketh already got his greedy mitts on you and joined the team. I want in.” Everyone looked at her in stunned silence.
Vrax’s grip tightened on his spear. “Why...if you don’t mind me asking.”
“Oh, of course not... Well, you see, it's awful hard to get good food out here...the occasional adventurer at best, and well, venturing into civilized lands carries quite some risk to it. If you would just put up a few glowing green trees or anything really that would draw the eye of people you would be happy to be rid of, I would...adore entertaining them.”
What the fuck? Is she just asking me to feed her paladins? I mean, sure, but holy hell, this is going to become a problem later, I can tell.
“I know...I know...you are struggling with the moral implications of it. Don’t worry, deary; I’ll include a deal with it that should ease your mind a bit. Ten years. For ten years I won’t feast upon any of your people...after that, well, either I’ll move, eat you, or we can have another chat...really a rather neighborly solution, I think.”
Well, this is the forsaken land after all; I doubt I'm going to build a lasting home by making deals with charities and paragons of virtue. I'm getting far too comfortable with making deals with the dark things of the world. But honestly that might be what it takes—just have a working relationship with everything you aren’t strong enough to beat yet.
Vrax raised an eyebrow. “Well, at least you’re straightforward about it... Against my better judgement, I'm going to tentatively say yes... Hey Torvald, can you go grab me some small trees?”
“Yep!” Torvald jumped up and practically fled to get away from the table.
“Oh, good choice, deary. I think you are going to be fun to have as a neighbor. I feel like you will have more than one enemy over the coming decade that’s going to find out the hard way why the Forsaken lands have stayed forsaken for so long. The weak, the naïve, and the overtly moral don’t last long here...” She finished with a smile and simply slowly walked back into her house, giving Duchess and Lux fond pats on the way.
“I think I may have soiled myself,” Edward mumbled from his shivering spot at the end of the table.
“Fuck, I would have, but the pie is really good; you should try some!” Jonathan slid the pie towards Edward.
Stereos frowned. “I wouldn’t suggest eating the pie. I am disappointed that this is even a conversation that needs to be had.”
“Oh, lighten up! It’s just apple pie!”
“I mean, most of the apples are people, but sure...” Vrax said sarcastically and got up to go join Torvald.
“Wait, what!” Jonathan sputtered, spitting out his mouthful of pie.
Vrax shook his head and accepted the first small sapling from Torvald. He carried it a dozen strides from the cottage and carefully planted it into the ground. He began adapting it in a haze of green mana. If Grandma Chitter wanted a dinner bell, he could certainly oblige. He was going to have to make sure to warn people that he liked that this was not the green glow to walk towards.
He started by growing it to triple its height; it would grow more over time, but this at least brought it to nearly four strides tall. He stripped all the plain green leaves from it and replaced them with unnaturally reflective translucent leaves. Then he added the "look at me" touch that the monster wanted.
The new leaves glowed with an almost blinding inner light of the most scintillating pure green he could imagine. The top of the tree was capped with a sappy protrusion that alternated its blinding luminescence like a lighthouse from some of Vrax’s favorite stories.
Really have to go see the ocean one of these days...focus, Vrax; you are making mystery monster lures.
The final touch Vrax was proud of was that he added paper-thin sheets of draping plant fiber that trailed from the top of the tree and glowed the same obnoxious light as the rest of it. With the regular winds in this field, they trailed high into the sky, an impossible-to-miss flicker of motion and light. At nighttime this thing would be an utterly bizarre beacon that practically screamed, ‘Look at me.’
Vrax let his mana regenerate for a few minutes before moving to the other side of the cottage and slowly recreating the process. His half of the rather abrupt deal was met; hopefully he didn’t end up regretting it horribly over the coming days and years.
They all remounted, and Vrax managed to stuff Lux back into the menagerie after he finished his snack. Duchess grabbed another leg for the road and followed as they thundered across the field. They had just one more tiny stretch of woodlands to cross, and then they would be in the plains before the city.
The woodlands rose up before them in less than an hour of travel, a narrow stretch that Vrax could barely see the city beyond. He frowned as he also saw a large shape shifting from branch to branch ahead of them, blotting out the hopeful distant view of the city.
“Oh come on, I’m going to be capped up on essence agi and wasting it at this fucking rate before we even reach home!”
Edward piped up. “Not me! But at this rate, if you guys keep carrying me through this deathtrap, I might reach level forty before we get to the city. And after that last big fight, I’ve got enough essence to make some mean changes to the Dance of Death skill. I’m going to make it store people’s last moments so I can use it like a repository of awful emotions to blast into people’s minds mid-combat.”
Everyone slowly turned towards Edward.
“Umm... like a highlight reel of Duchess’s victims’ last moments?” Torvald asked in concern.
“Damn, good thinking, fucked but good thinking.” Jonathan added.
Vrax laughed. “And you were worried you didn’t belong!”
Stereos looked at Edward hard for a moment. “I think traveling with this group is skewing your perspective on how successful warriors design their skills...”