novelzi Chapter 1: Florida Man Teleported to Fantasy World, Defecated in Front of Local Monarch, and Slaughtered 15.
Chapter 1: Florida Man Teleported to Fantasy World, Defecated in Front of Local Monarch, and Slaughtered 15.
Everything happened suddenly. Felix Ariel was at a loss for words.
To sum it up briefly, it was Felix's 18th birthday. Coincidentally, on the same day, his father was found dead in a swamp while taking a walk with his alligator pet. His mother passed away on that same day due to a drug overdose, while his 85-year-old grandmother attempted to rob a bank because she forgot her ATM PIN number. Unfortunately, she died after announcing the robbery.
As for his grandfather, he stood on the street in front of his house intending to be isekai'd by being run over by a truck, but instead, a random fist-sized meteorite fell from the sky and smashed his head open.
As for Felix, the last thing he remembered was being in the middle of a battle against his two-week-long constipation, which he was winning. His "atomic bomb" was 2-feet long, instantly clogging the toilet bowl. However, before he could deliver another "500kg bomb" to finish off his imaginary enemies, his vision blurred.
When Felix regained his vision, he found himself squatting in a medieval throne hall full of knights and the king's retainers.
Felix, a native Floridian, had parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents with European heritage. His brown crew-cut hair and light-tanned skin came from his parents. His Heterochromia, with one blue eye and one green eye, gave him a mysterious charm. Having been on a football team, his toned physique barely met Internet standards. To women, however, he looked delicious.
Alongside him stood four other men in modern clothes, looking around in confusion: a middle-aged Irish man in a suit and thick eyeglasses, a colored teenager in a basketball shirt and jeans holding a bottle of beer, an Eastern-Asian high-school student in his uniform, and a stoic 6'1 Chinese young man with an idol-like face, wearing a long coat and stylish black clothes.
Felix wryly smiled and glanced at everybody. He wanted to stand but was prevented by a piece of hard cake stuck to his butt, a remnant of his two-week-old constipation.
Nobody wanted to stand with such an obstacle.
Additionally, his left hand held a toy he always carried for self-protection, an S&W SD9 with an attached trace light, which he usually used to play with his kittens who followed him into the toilet. Not wanting to cause a commotion, he temporarily hid his gun behind his knees.
In the midst of this awkward situation, Felix didn't dare to ask for toilet paper or three seashells. Unable to use his bare hand to remove the solid objects, he decided to do the opposite - move his bowels and finish producing the thick brown sausage.
*SPLASH*
A fat, snake-like cake dropped onto the red carpet of the throne room, spreading a fragrant aroma throughout the place.
The king stared at him with disgust as he picked his nose and waved his hand, ordering his knights.
"REMOVE THAT MAN AT ONCE! GET HIM OUT OF HERE!" the king commanded.
Felix was disappointed. For a second, he had expected the usual cliché lines from the king, such as "Brave heroes from the other world, please save our kingdom," or "Please kill the demon king," or "Please rescue the princess and impregnate her with your super DNA."
Felix innocently smiled at the king and jestingly said, "So, you isekai'd me here to throw me out? Am I free now?"
The king, enraged, changed his mind.
"THROW HIM IN THE DUNGEON! I WANT HIM HANGED BY TOMORROW MORNING!"
"…Seriously? This is not my fault! You brought me here when I was occupied!" Felix abandoned all restraint and stood up, revealing his concealed pistol and pointing the gun at the king's face with the laser pointer fixated on his forehead.
"Withdraw that order, or I'll bust your head off, dipshit!"
The king and the knights ignored the threat. Two knights brandished their spears and thrust forward, aiming at Felix's body.
Unprepared, the spears stabbed into his body, but Felix refused to go down without a fight.
*BANG*
A hole appeared on the king's forehead before he collapsed on the ground.
Felix turned around and started blasting.
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
Seventeen bullets took down 12 knights, 2 bystanders, and the king. However, Felix soon ran out of bullets.
A dozen angry knights swarmed him with their weapons. Felix didn't even get to see what killed him.
It was swift.
The last thing Felix saw was the astonished look of the other four men from his world. The knights also pressed them to the ground and arrested them.
.
.
"…"
Felix slowly opened his eyelids and noticed a white sky. Sensing no gravity, Felix curled up, attempting to sit up, only to find a white void with nothing but emptiness. Instead of panicking, Felix pursed his lips and contemplated his situation.
'I guess I'm dead. So, is this heaven or what? If so, where's Pops and Mom? Where are those lunatic geezers?'
Felix swept his gaze,
Well, it's a fantasy world to you.> It was a long message. It took a while for Felix's smooth brain to finish reading everything twice. Felix was glad that the screen came from the mysterious ancestor or god that he met. Lowering his shotgun, he tried talking to the screen. "Hello? Jessica? A.I. Jessica?" *DING* The black screen reverted to semi-transparent blue and moved closer to Felix. The messages were wiped, replaced with the AI's messages and a 2D anime girl. The girl looked like a typical Japanese anime character with a big bust, a pretty cute face, a small nose, big eyes, an attractive mouth, and thin eyebrows. Her twin-braided black hair, thick eyeglasses, and black schoolgirl uniform resembled a cursed doujin meme that Felix had seen somewhere on the internet. The glass girl, Jessica, moved her stiff body as if she were a vtuber. Her mouth moved when she spoke in a monotonous tone, her eyes dull. Felix coughed, "H-Hello. Oh, please don't change. You're pretty the way you are." <…I don't know what you're talking about.> "Ahem! Just remember my words! Don't listen to those bitches at school. They don't know shit! You're already attractive! DON'T BOTHER WITH ANY MAKEUP OR SOCIALIZE WITH BAD PEOPLE!" <…> The AI tilted her head to the side, confused.